THERE’S A MONSTER IN THE GARDEN by David Harmer

 

If the water in your fishpond fizzes and foams,

And there’s giant teeth marks in the plastic gnomes,

You’ve found huge claw prints in the flower beds

And just caught sight of a two horned head.

Put a stick in your front lawn, with a piece of card on

Look out everybody – there’s a monster in the garden.

 

You haven’t seen the dustman for several weeks,

Haven’t seen the gasman who was looking for leaks.

Haven’t seen the paper girl, postman or plumber,

Haven’t seen the window cleaner since last Summer.

Don’t mean to be nasty. I do beg your pardon.

Look out everybody – there’s a monster in the garden.

 

One dark night it will move in downstairs,

Start living in the kitchen, take you unawares.

Frighten you, bite on you, with howls and roars,

It will crash about, smash about, push you out of doors.

 

Now listen to me neighbour, all of this is true.

It happened next door, now it’s happening to you.

There’s something nasty on the compost heap

Spends all day there, curled up asleep.

You don’t want your bones crunched or jarred on

LOOK OUT EVERYBODY

THERE’S A MONSTER IN THE GARDEN.